Big breasted Esther

a company outing years ago

some pogo stick thing
everyone in silly helmets
and Esther volunteering to demonstrate
how it was supposed to be done

well, the boss volunteered Esther
he always loved putting Esther on the spot
and she didn’t mind
she was the cheery one
big tits too
we had some nicknames
for her and her big tits

Esther on the pogo stick
jumping up and down
as the guy from the pogo stick rental thing
explained the ins and outs
as he grabbed Esther by the waste
and stared at her breasts a lot

everyone was in awe at Esther pogoing
or at least the guys
and Jennifer from accounting
others were just being jealous bitches
later, there was a party
with lots of booze
and me slow dancing with Esther
there was some tongue and touching
and Peter stole a bottle of vodka
from the bar after it closed
and that kind of took the attention
away from me and Esther

not long after that
I met her husband at another party
it was not awkward at all
he didn’t know or he didn’t care
Esther being cheery as always
and me thinking of the other guys
who told me they kissed Esther

“cheery little Esther
blondie biggie breaster
pogo sticking
ups and downs
boobies bouncing
smiles and frowns”

40 something’s daily rhythm

two cigarettes
strong coffee
breakfast maybe
colleagues jabber
boss is bossy
fight the urge
to punch the jerk
traffic lights
honking in jams
dinner table
coffee, smoke
clean shit up
– not even mine –
kids to bed
a rum and coke
netflix, fuck
another drink
sleep 8 hours
a man can hope
40 something
no highs, no lows
the daily rhythm
a way to cope

Buying a bathroom

between his fingers
tells me: heavy smoker

last coffee
long ago
his breath screams

suit’s too tight
bought some time ago
I guess
he grew into it
and now out of it
tie’s loose
make it tighter
might hold some
of the sweaty stench inside

and this is the man
explaining the importance
of aesthetics to me
talking about surfaces
easy cleaning

in a room
of shiny white tiles
glass and chrome
a walking talking stain

go easy clean yourself
buy one
of your own mirrors
and look at yourself
for a change

Blondes from Iceland and Dutch courage

two girls from Iceland
one thin, one thick
working in a greenhouse
flowers, plants, Aalsmeer
making nothing
for fun mainly
a summer job abroad

I don’t remember names
we just got along
we drank and danced
we talked and laughed
we drank and kissed
and there was probably some feeling up,
I don’t remember exactly

Thin had thigh highs
striped as rainbows
Thick was sweet
kind eyes, kind smile

two seperate nights
one room apart
each girl from Iceland
first Thick, then Thin
neither cared
or seemed to mind
a summer job abroad

I always got nervous when I felt things were going to end up like that. The prospect of having a one-night stand scared the shit out of me. I loved to flirt, but was afraid where it would lead. So I drank. A lot. And then nothing could and would happen anymore. I was a virgin until I was 18, am 45 now, and never had a one-night stand. I am okay with this.

Dutch courage
on the bottom
of a beer bottle
on a lot of beer bottles
to be exact

two girls from Iceland
Thin and Thick
both so blonde, a yellow white
a working trip
to Holland
letting loose
and down to fuck
though meeting me
seemed promising
Dutch courage
so, no luck

Lazy Prey

i feel for the moth
it looks so lost

it just sits on the wall
or tries to fly away
through a closed window


flaps its wings
against the glass

the moth doesn’t know
what’s going on
it just flies
and sees nothing
in its way
it just hangs
it panics
“what sorcery is this?”
it asks

poor moth

a butterfly
but pale
yet beautiful
in a way
like the moon
is beautiful
but hey, it’s no sun

calm down, little moth
be still and hide
in these here parts
bats hunt at night


i know how this will end
dried out
and on its back
a cat toy
until i throw it away
and wash my hands

i’m still not getting up
to let it out
call me lazy
all you want
you want it out
you let it out


stupid moth
be quiet


They Work and Drink

when I grew up
Poles were a thing
hard workers
that drank a lot

they were always alone
no wife
no family
but not really alone
always in small groups
living together
in cheap housing
working and eating
and drinking
and sleeping together

we always said
Poles only work
and drink

drinking those big
half liter cans
of cheap beer

they did work hard

cheap labour
that’s why they were welcome
working the lands
and in the greenhouses
plants and flowers

I remember a hot day
10 of them
on their knees in the dust
between plants
topless white men
bright red backs
I remember thinking
how that was going to hurt
and that they would really
enjoy their beer tonight

no one
really talked to them
and they didn’t talk to us
maybe one of them
spoke some English
he would be the supervisor
just for understanding
some English
no one
really talked to them
we didn’t connect

except the boss

he had a Polish woman
he gave her a trailer
on the back of his land

she was skinny
and petite
he was fat
and big and unhealthy
and smoked cigars

she worked in the sun too
and I just thought
how it was going to hurt
at night
when that sweaty pig
would fuck her

in the trailer
on the back of his land

Magnolia Never More

the magnolia branch
is blooming
it has been
for over a week now
and it will
for another

one after one
furry buds open
they blossom
show their purple
and the white inside

and one after one after one
and way too quick
petals lose their shine
and start to hang


one day bloom
one day hang
one day fall

I clean them up
the dried out petals
of the magnolia branch

I hear them falling
one after one after one
during the day


this was supposed to be
a happy thing
a blooming branch
flowers on wood
like spring
but inside


never has death
overcome new life
so quickly
and so definitively

this was supposed to be
a happy thing



Live, Love, Laugh (Metal Edition)

a piece of metal
about yay big
is lodged inside
deep in the brain
it weighs down
it scars and tears
a piece of metal
of purest pain

it feels so heavy
some days at least
and poisonous
like high-grade lead
it’s always there
a piece of metal
inside of you
a blue, dull sad

fight the feeling
fight, you must
this piece of metal
so sharp and cold
dance and run
live, love, laugh
heat up the oven
turn lead to gold

Three Ways to Slay (song lyrics)

a brick can kill
in messy ways
it’s heavy, maybe
slow to swing
but when he’s down
the brick sure is
– for pure blunt force –
a useful thing

I went to jail
for plans I made
learnt there
to do, to execute
I went to jail
a nice, sweet guy
came out
evil’s dark root

a stick’s so good
so versatile
to stab using
the pointy part
to swing and hit
to keep at bay
to end it all
right in the heart


electric wire,
assassin style
it’s everywhere
for you to find
just come in
all silently
approach him
from behind

last, not least
the lethal choice
of killer chefs:
the kitchen knife
just swing and slice
and stab to see
the fatal fear
of fleeting life


three men raped
and got away
from justice,
and from law
I planned revenge
got locked away
now my wrath
the last they saw

City Sickness / Let Fire Cleanse

these streets
they reek of heartbreak
of tears and cries
of drugs and blood
of booze and fear
and sickness

a garbage can
for life gone wrong
cast away, aside

burn this trash
waste exists
to be destroyed

destroy it all
destroy it all
destroy it all
let fire cleanse

a phoenix rises
in fairy tales
not here, not now
no, not today

ashes fly
and feed the grass
the trees and flowers
feast on decay
not the concrete
not the tar
ashes fly
in flocks of grey

life is better
far away
the soil is fed
where ashes land
bricks reformed
plague now hope
life lends man
a helping hand

decades come
and decades go
grass is tar
under men’s feet
life’s green and lush
behind new walls
of dead concrete

the streets
soon reek of sickness
of fights and rape
and death

stockpiled drums
of gasoline
will soon be put to use

destroy it all
destroy it all
destroy it all
let fire cleanse