I Bleed Sickness

so many fights
by misunderstanding,
misplaced anger
and frustration
so much love
based on the one i try to be
or let them see
so much pain,
for which i am to blame

happiness is a society
a democracy
and i am voted out
cast out and banished

no one understands
but my reality is not theirs
i am alone here and lonely

here
i am the god, the king
and the peasant
i create, i rule,
i work and sweat
i prosper and i live

but
i see things differently
i hear and feel things
in another way

their fun is my sadness
their joy is my agony

their laughter deafens
and enters my brain
like nails hammered
through my skull
that short circuit

the light that warms them,
it blinds my eyes
blurs my vision
it burns my skin
and scorches my nerves

i am not a god, a king
or a peasant
i do not prosper

here
i am a rat, i am the leper
i am the shit and mud
that runs in the gutter
i nibble the rotten fruit
i beg as my skin rots
i am spat upon
i am a disease
and i bleed sickness
i am living feces
i am decay
i decompose
i disintegrate
i infect
i am dying
and i am death

slowly
pressure builds
my realm explodes
it fades and dies
and me with it

they will mourn
the one i tried to be
the one they saw
the one they loved
or even hated at times
not the one i was

no one mourns
for the rat
no one sheds a tear
for a leper
they welcome
the medicine
that cures disease
and the rain
that washes shit away

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